I ’ve been studying fascinating excerpts from a recently published article in a glossy magazine called – ‘Modern Manners’. It covers almost every aspect of modern living from – how to recover your dignity after loudly breaking wind in public, to the proper way of addressing the divorced wife of an earl. However, easily the most interesting element of this article was the section on bores and how to avoid them. In studying the text, it was quite clear to me that what the piece is actually saying was this. “Are you, or have you ever been, a migraine inducing bore yourself but don’t know it?” The trouble with this theory is that the real bore has absolutely no inkling that he may be boring folk.
This is because the armour platedHealth officials and have sai, room clearing, plough on regardless, mega-bore – never, ever realises he is one. To help you spot the potential, or fully functioning bore, I will list a number of giveaway phrases that should put you on the highest red-alert when in conversation with a complete stranger. When anyone says – “To cut a long story short,” run for the nearest door, because this usually means that you are to get the 20 minute version of sometime pointless yarn, not the full half-hour unexpurgated version. Similarly, interjections that contain the words “That reminds me of the time when I…” – are a dead giveaway prior to some endless story, that – a) will not make any sense at all – b) he assumes you know everyone in this convoluted tale, which you don’t, and – c) do not expect a punchline because there never is one. MoreoverThe initiative, we also have the yarn that you have heard about a thousand times before from the same chap, but – he clearly doesn’t remember this fact. I’m told that I occasionally fall into this particular category of – boring people, who don’t really know when they are being boring.RELATED: It's almost time for the Pollensa Music Festival!